The Door that Chooses You
Mark Warner
5 min read
In A.A. Milne’s classic, Winnie-the-Pooh, he explores what it’s like when someone you care about makes self-destructive choices that have a profound effect on your life. I’m sure you know the story. Pooh goes to his friend Rabbit's house and, after enjoying a snack of honey and condensed milk, Pooh insists it’s time for him to leave. "Must you," asks Rabbit politely. "Well," says Pooh, "I could stay a little longer if..." And he tries to look very hard at the larder. "As a matter of fact," says Rabbit, "I was going out myself directly." "Oh, well then,” says Pooh, “I'll be going. Goodbye." "Well, goodbye, if you're sure you won't have any more food?” Rabbit says. "Is there any more?” asks Pooh quickly. Rabbit takes the covers off the dishes and says, "No, there isn't." "I thought not," says Pooh, nodding to himself, "well, goodbye, I must be going." So he starts to climb out of the hole. He pulls with his front paws and pushes with his back paws and in a little while his nose is out in the open again. And then his ears, and then his front paws, and then his shoulders and then, "Oh, help," says Pooh, "I'd better go back." "Oh, bother," says Pooh, "I shall have to go on." "I can't do either," says Pooh, "Oh help, oh bother."
Now, by this time, Rabbit wants to go for a walk and finding the front door full (laugh out loud), he goes out by the back door, comes around to Pooh and asks, “Oh, are you stuck?" -- a wonderful question encouraging self-awareness. "No, no," says Pooh carelessly -- in denial, not yet ready to admit he has a problem -- "just resting and thinking and humming to myself. Here, give us a paw." He’s experiencing the consequences of his choices, his over-indulgence, his addiction to honey, though he hasn't quite put those things together. The truth is, he’s so full, he can’t get out of the hole. So Pooh stretches out a paw and Rabbit pulls and pulls. "Ow," cries Pooh, "you're hurting me," to which Rabbit could have responded, "Ah, no, you're hurting you." Instead, he simply speaks the truth. He says, "The fact is, you're stuck.”
The Push and Pull of Getting Unstuck
I’m guessing some of us know what it feels like to be stuck in an old, familiar hole, held fast by our indulgences or self-destructive choices. But it's not all doom and gloom. As you read on in the story you see that Pooh learns a thing or two about getting unstuck. He learns that it takes time. His friend Christopher Robin said, "You're going to have to stay in that place for about a week until you lose some weight." He might as well have said, "You didn't get into this problem overnight and you won't get out of it overnight." He also learns you have to humble yourself to get unstuck. Pooh’s addiction to honey was public knowledge. Everyone could see he was stuck and knew exactly how he got there. Even more humiliating, Rabbit actually used his feet as a towel rack! Pooh also knew he had to get wisdom so he asked his friend, Christopher Robin, to read to him. He said, and I love this, "I want to hear from a sustaining book such as would help and comfort a wedged bear in great tightness." We also need to hear from a sustaining book such as would help and comfort us in our times of great tightness. I'd recommend the Book of Proverbs. And, finally, Pooh came to understand that he couldn't get unstuck by himself, he needed the help of his friends. This is a bit of a game plan for dealing with life-controlling habits, a simple place to start. (1) Resign yourself to the fact that your freedom will be hard won and take some time. (2) Humble yourself, blow you cover, and let those closest to you in on your struggle. (3) Immerse yourself in the Word of God, practicing the presence of the Holy Spirit, and invite him into every situation you face. (4) Stay in community, leaning on others for support. You don't have to do it on your own.
Pooh is an adorable yet painful example of addiction, a cautionary tale against self-indulgence. He follows his desires regardless of the consequences to himself and others. And now, he's stuck on the threshold of Rabbit's house. But what about poor Rabbit? Pooh’s life choices provided Rabbit with a convenient towel rack, but little more. He couldn’t use his front door. He had Pooh’s prodigious posterior as a constant companion. And he'd been eaten out of house and home. I don't want to be dramatic, but Rabbit was the unwitting victim of Pooh's self-destructive lifestyle.
The Door that Chooses You
Do you know what I mean by the door that chooses you? It’s a door not of your own choosing. You were forced into it, dragged across the threshold against your will, an unwilling or unwitting participant, the victim of circumstances beyond your control or the choices and decisions of others. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever suffered the consequences of unforeseen circumstances or somebody else’s choices? When my dad died in a car accident in 2007, our whole family was dragged across a threshold from a time of relative consolation to a long season of desolation. When our daughter contracted kidney disease and nearly died, we were, once again, forced to navigate a threshold that dramatically altered our lives. When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in my 30’s, the pain was so debilitating, I began to lose hope. Maybe you grew up in a home where your mother had a life-controlling habit that cast a pall over every family gathering or your father was aloof, preoccupied, or abusive. Maybe you’ve been in a string of unhealthy relationships where the person you were dating or the person you thought was your friend was constantly trying to make their problem your problem. Maybe you were married to someone who cheated on you, dragging you across a threshold of betrayal, grief, and eventually, divorce. Maybe you’ve been abandoned or you’ve never felt loved. Or maybe you’ve worked for a company led by a narcissist who made one bad decision after another, dragging the company down with him. If you have, then you know all about the door that chooses you.
Don’t get me wrong. Many of the negative consequences we face in life are well-deserved, the natural result of our own selfish choices and desires. We choose the door, open the door, and walk across the threshold, reaping the benefits or paying the price. But sometimes, the door chooses you OR someone you love or care about chooses the door and you get carried across the threshold with them, against your will, experiencing the repercussions of their choice.
Rabbit was the unintended victim, pulled across the threshold of Pooh’s addiction, forced to suffer the consequences. But what does he do? How does he respond? How do you respond to the things life throws you? Memorably, Rabbit makes the best of it! He decorates Pooh’s lower half. He prevents Gopher from giving him honey. And he ultimately helps Pooh get unstuck. If you have a choice how you respond to the things life throws you, what do you do when you suffer the consequences of somebody else’s choices? What do you do when you're dragged across a threshold against your will? What do you do when the door chooses you?
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